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Da Crazy Universes in Cly's Head
Stay on the marked path or you'll never get back...
Well, a lot has happened since last I wrote. I don't even remember what last I wrote... though that's no surprise. I mean, I'm lucky to remember what happened yesterday. Well, for the last few days, I've been really sick. Getting better now, but still feeling pretty bad.

My mate is home at last. Well, he's been home for over 2weeks now. We're... trying to get used to each other again. It infuriates me that he has descended into Hell, throwing away all that I had been working with him on. The things he used to accept he now criticizes me for my beliefs and tells me I'm a sheltered child. I mean, he didn't see combat in Iraq, he was stuck inside cleaning toilets! So yeah, I don't know where the whole PTSD came from! But, I put my faith in the Universe that it will do only what is good for me and for him.

The kitties are well, Mici is old, fat, and grumpy! He's so cute! He growls so much, but he does nothing to back up the threat. And Tequila is God with fur on! He is a little fluffy angel!!!! And Squeakers is squeakerlious. My momma gerbil had 7 new babies, and they are sooooooooooo freaking cute! But I think they are all boys, which is hella weird. What's the chance of her first pup being a boy, and then all 7 of the next litter being boys? That'd be a little creepy. But if they are, I'm keeping most of them. They are such cool colors. I'm gonna keep them and get rid of momma and daddy. My rat's doing ok. Sometimes he's all chilled out and sits on my shoulder just fine, and others he's all freaked out and trying to leap to his death at the cat's jaws! Tequila is such a little hunter. He'd kill all my rodents if he could.

Well, other then all that, I'm gonna go to bed. Bye all.

Current Location: the pit of plushies and cough drops
Current Music: Tuztanc- NOX

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We put Stormy down today. It was so fast. He was dead before the vet could finish pumping in the meds. It was so fast, and so peaceful. He flicked his ear, laid down his head, and looked out into the snowy field beyond. And he was warm and soft, and his eyes were open, and he looked like he was still alive. He looked so peaceful. And even though I know it's for the best, I still feel so sad. He was so wonderful. He was so perfect. He loved unconditionally. And for anyone who says animals only love you because you feed them, obviously has never owned an animal. He loved us. He would lay by our ears, and purr like no one else. His purring I'll miss greatly. I will miss him, with all my heart, and all my being, and all my soul. And I will love him equally, for as long as I shall live, I will remember all the wonderful love and compassion and fulfillment he brought into my life, and my mother's life. I hope you move on, Stormy, move on and be the same in the next life, love with the same enthusiasium you loved with in this life. Continue your journey to enlightenment. And know that we love you and are happy you suffer no more. We love you. We will always love you.

Current Mood: sad sad

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Mom finally decided to put Stormy down. His death date is after Christmas before her school starts again. He was diagnoised with two types of cancers, one in his intestines and one in his ear. Mom simply can't bring herself to say goodbye any earlier. So now we're grieving, giving him every luxury: raw meat, all the treats and canned food he wants, catnip everywhere, no more claw clipping, ear cleaning, nothing to cause him discomfort. We won't yell at him or punish him for anything anymore. I'm gonna get him a live mouse every week until the end, just so he can have the thrill of the hunt before he moves on. He was with us nearly 8 years. He will always be our fatso, our chubby cheeks, our old man, our black buddha. He is loved, and cherished, and we will always remember the good times. Mom's gonna bury him somewhere out in Lake Padden, Bellingham, her favorite place to walk. We'll go out at night pay our final respects. If anyone would like to join us, I'm sure you will be welcomed, and I'll let you all know when he has moved on to his next life. We will be holding him when he goes, and all we can do is pray that he will go quick and peaceful.

Current Mood: distressed distressed

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A black man as our president! A black democrate! I seriously cried during his speech. I can hardly wait for him to bring my mate home. Bring them all home! Make this nation great again, bring it back from the brink of self destruction! Anubis has blessed us. Anubis bless America!
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Yeah. That's right. You all suck. You know you wouldn't want a gay kid to live because you all fucking suck! How about if you all shut the fuck up and let women have the right to chose what's right for their own damn bodies! And read the bible YOURSELF! It clearly states that your not alive until you have blood, for the lifeforce is in the blood.... well, humans don't get their own blood until they're several months old in the womb! Until then, it's a cancerous tumor. So there. I hate kids....

Ok, got that out. Sorry, I love going up to those anti-choice fuckers and telling them I enjoyed killing my kid because if he had been born, he would have the worst life. Beaten, starved, all that, because I wouldn't have been able to get away from the fucked up father. I gave him a better life by not letting him live. I'm proud of myself for that. And my son's spirit is thankful to me for that. He tells me so. So he came instead as a kitten.

Besides, what's wrong with sending a soul back to "heaven?" Why do we mourn those who leave us if we truly believe they are going somewhere better? Should we not rejoice? Yes, it is sad they are not with us, but that's selfish. I'm not above that, I don't follow my own advice, but at least I'm AWARE of that fact, unlike most people.

Ok, I need to quit bitching. Sorry. This pic just sparked a cascade of shit through my mind. I'm in a lot of pain.

Current Location: my den
Current Music: The Beautiful People- Marilyn Manson

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Mici is on my lap! OMG! XD It's been months since he's done that! I'z so happy! And he's purring and rubbing and being so happy! It makes me happy! It makes my heart explode from joy!

And Tequilla went to the vet again. If I can't have his problem fixed, I'll have to give him up. I can't have this. I can't pay all this money for him. He's costed me a small fortune, much more than Mici ever did.

And Stormy just had to come in here and hiss away and make Mici mad and run away. Dang it, fatso! >.< Damn flufferbutts!

Anyways, I poke you all.
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Have to see, I have to know that I can be myself. - Stay by Armin Van Buuren.

I really don't feel like myself. I'm so angry, so angry at the world. The further I delve into my animalistic nature, into my soul, into my deepest past, into all that I once was... I grow angrier. Such rage at the world and the humans within it.

But rather than sitting here bitching, I've decided to try to do something to make it better. I want to try to become a vetenarian. I first need to find a freshly dead animal, and diasect it. If I can handle the sight of the blood and the bone and the guts, I should be good enough to go through vet school, since you have to learn how to cut a dog's leg off, and take the kidney stones out of the cat.I also have to learn to kill an animal. So I might give it shot. Who knows. It might be what the Universe wants me to do, considering how many people tell me I should be.

On another note, my leg has been killing me. There's a nerve halfway down my left shin, under my knee, and it hurts like crazy all the way down to that bone at the top of your foot, that weird little bump.It feels like that nerve is tight, and is only getting tighter, and no amount of stretching or massaging is helping. I can hardly wait to see the doctor. I have so much crap I have to get checked. *sigh*

Mici is doing relatively well, still being grumpy. Tequilla is becoming a brat, peeing on everything, and still with the explosive diareaha, so I've spent a small fortune on pet stain and oder remover. I have to shampoo the carpet every single day, and clean the litterboxes twice a day every day! Then there's Stormy, who absolutely DISPISES being here. He crawls away in a corner and stays there all day, only coming out at night to eat and use the litterbox. He can't stop hissing at the kitten, and at Mici. Squeakers is doing really well. She's such a lap cat. I brought her into the house into the office/guest room and closed the door so the other cats couldn't bother her, and soon as I sat down on the ground, she crawled right into my lap, curled up, and purred away. I'm thinking of trying to get the cats all used to each other and then maybe bringing her in permeantly. She's so sweet.

What else? Not much. Trying to get a job... I'll be coming up to Bham sometime this month, close to my bday. Hopefully I'll get to see everyone. And remember..... MY BIRTHDAY IS HALLOWEEN! For the sake of my sanity, please remember. I've never had a bday party because no one ever remembers! My greatest bday was when a few friends came over and we watched a movie and ate cake. So yeah, at least remember and say Happy Bday! =P Especially cause my mate is downrange.

Oh yeah, and it's Robert's birthday! He turns 27. Dirty old man. He's such a pedifile... wait, that would make me a grave robber..........


Current Location: My den
Current Mood: depressed depressed
Current Music: Anitszirk- NOX

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Is the part that won't let go of this life. -Glow, by Unkle.

And I feel like I'm burning in hell... at least my heart is. I feel so torn up, and depressed. My mate is gone, in a place where he could die at any second. It scares me. But I must have faith in Anubis. He will guide and guard my mate.

But, I did go to my first furcon. RainFurrest! It was small, and the only thing to do there was follow my friends around and buy art. Which I did. $300 worth of it. I made some new friends, got to meet a few of my fav artists. So I is kinda happy.

Kitties are doing well. I'm doing well physically, and just barely holding on mentally. I miss my dragon in pixilated camoflague.

Current Location: In my den
Current Music: The whurrr of the fans.

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So, ok, I now has 4 cats. That's right. I has my Mici, he is my number ONE baby. Then there is Stormy, who visits every other weekend, but will soon be mine when my mom moves back to Bham. He is the number 2 baby. He put on some weight, so he might end up living longer than we thought.

Oh, and while I remember, we bought Stormy a live mouse... yeah, it was both funny and heartbreaking to see him attack and kill it. He kept looking at us with really wide eyes as if he couldn't believe it! He'd bat at it, then look back at us to make sure we wouldn't yeall at him. After a few bats and quick glances, he went all out and played with it for almost 10 minutes before consuming the WHOLE thing in 3 bites. Crazy. And Mici had no idea what to do with it. He was freaking out that Stormy was eating the toy!

Ok, and then we adopted a sickly little kitten. He had a giant tapeworm, fleas, and a seriously heart murmur... but now, he has no fleas, no worms, and he's got energy and love and sweetness just bursting out of him! We named him Tequilla because he had a worm at his bottom! lol. He is a fluffy Mici clone!

and now, the local stray, who I call Squeakers cause she never meows, she just squeaks, has adopted us. I think she's pregnant, so I'm gonna have to watch her, and take her to the vet. She'll always be an outdoor cat, but at least I can give her relief from the serious flea infestation, worms, and mange and ear mites. Plus real food! And clean water. I'm gonna make her a litte box and bed so she might have her kittens in there.

And Robert is deploying Sunday, same day I go learn to shoot with my mom. She's still a bitch, and hates Robert.

I went to California to visit his family. They were saying that if there is a divorce, they'd keep me instead. lol. They were nice.

Anyways, I'm off, just a quick update.

Current Location: in den
Current Mood: sad sad
Current Music: Kitten purring

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So yeah, I've got my own home, I have my baby here, and I've got me my mate! I actually like married life! Never thought I would. But it's real nice. Don't have to worry about men no more. Don't have to worry about money. I love my mate! He's so awesome. And he thinks of me as the most awesome person that ever lived! YAY! We compliment each other, I think. And my den is so nice! We got all this awesome furniture for $1000 from one of his unit mates who was getting a divorce and moving, and we got $3000 worth of stuff! I WOVE my home! And my kitty is here and woves it too! He loves the vast multitude of windows! And the balcony! He marked everything and now he struts around, pouring love on everyone. He absolutely adores Robert! It is so cute! He follows me all over the house, responds to all my commands, talks almost exclusively to me still, but he purrs the loudest for Robert, and if I leave the same room Robert is in, he starts following me, runs back to Robert, rubs his legs, comes running back toward me, then stops and looks back, like "Why you not follow daddy?" HE IS ADORABLE! And robert is a dog person, always was, LOVES to tell me stories about his sheltie growing up. But Mici's absolute sweetness and loyalty and complete and total unconditional love sure has converted. And I know it is unconditional, and just because of food, because even if I give him his food, and he's been starving all night, then I go into another room and call for him, he comes running and won't go back to his meal until I go back into the kitchen. Robert says my cat is more loyal to me than any dog he ever met. *sigh* Ok, I'm rambling about my baby. But yeah, life is good.

People should come down and visit me! Or at least give me a call! So yeah, I go play WOW. I can see how someone could get addicted, but I think of that game the same as Morrowind. Just a big map with lots of quests. But the creatures reappear faster in this game than in Morrowind. They can stay dead for hours! In WOW it's a few minutes. That's the part that sucks when you're trying to get back out of the cave it just took you 30 minutes to slaughter your way through! lol. But it's fun. A few hours a day isn't bad, I think. That's what I did with Morrowind. Oh, and I now have PS2 but no real games yet. Robert has Soul Caliber 3 but I don't like that game. So we're gonna go back and get a game for me! Yayness. Anyways, byebye.

Current Location: In my AWESOME new den!
Current Mood: grateful grateful
Current Music: My kitty talking randomly to me about the bird outside

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